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Starring: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Tyrese
Writers: Peter Schink/Scott Stewart
Director: Scott Stewart
Distributor: Screen Gems

Angels with guns. Angels with freakin’ guns! How could you mess up an idea as easy as this? Legion, the new film starring Paul Bettany, manages to not only mess it up, but make it really boring too. Bettany stars as Michael, an angel who has forsaken his people and God by coming to Earth to protect humanity. Turns out God is angry at us and instead of a flood, he’s bringing down a whole lot of angels to wreck some havoc…and by angels, they mean possessed people because angels apparently are not powerful enough to do it themselves. Michael, after stealing an Army’s worth of weaponry, ends up at Paradise Falls, a truck stop diner in the middle of nowhere. He didn’t just end up here on accident, however; one of the people who work there, a waitress named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) is pregnant with humanity’s only hope, kind of like Terminator but with angels and not machines. They hole up in the diner, along with a cast of other side characters (Dennis Quaid, Charles S. Dutton, Tyrese, etc.) to fight them off long enough to get the child born…which proves to be kind of hard when Gabriel (Kevin Durand), the most powerful and monotone of the angels, is on their tail as well as a bunch of angel possessed people who look more like demons of a low-budget film than anything.

Legion has a couple of okay moments. Bettany does what he can with the material and makes a decent lead, and the action is nice and bloody and not shot horribly. However, the action doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should. There are about three to four action scenes and the rest of the time is exposition central with the characters all talking and getting to know each other. That would have been fine if the characters were interesting, but they aren’t. Everyone seems to be sleepwalking through their roles. Quaid hams it up as usual but unlike GI Joe, it isn’t in the good way. Charles S. Dutton is…well, he is what he is. Everyone else isn’t even worth mentioning at this point. The cast did not need to be this large for any reason whatsoever.

Because of all the talking, when the action does happen, you aren’t in the mood to watch it because you have just been bored silly by all the dialogue and attempt at character building. It feels like the movie was trying to be a drama rather than action, but if that was the case, the action should not have been as intense, and they should have gotten a way better script to work with. Legion is also a shamless rip-off of the Terminator series, right down to the end scene. You’ll understand if you ever decide to see this for some reason.

Legion takes a cool concept and takes a big ugly cinema dump on it. It tries to be two different movies and doesn’t commit enough to either to be able to be taken seriously. The dialogue is laughable and the acting is horrible (save for Bettany), and it’s so implausible and stupid that it’s hard to just “shut your brain off”. If I were you, I’d avoid this at any cost. God can make a great villain, just not here.

Final Verdict:
D-




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