Christmas; a time for joy, happiness, family, love...and in this week's "Watch This!" you can add murder to that list. You see, this isn't any normal Hallmark movie where Christmas miracles occur. Oh no kids, this is a movie that should have been made YEARS ago: a movie about a killer Santa Claus played by a Jewish wrestler and produced by the guy who directed the Rush Hour movies. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Santa's Slay! Roll the trailer, if you will.
This wonderful piece of straight to DVD goodness stars Bill Goldberg, of WCW and Ready to Rumble fame, as Santa Claus. In this universe, Santa was originally an evil demon, who liked to murder and hurt people. As explained in the film (in a wonderful send up of the old stop motion Christmas cartoons), Santa is challenged to a game of curling by an angel; if he loses, he must be good for 1,000 years. Santa ends up losing, and from there, he becomes the bastion saint of nice and Coca-Cola.

Cut to 1,000 years later and the deal is officially off. Santa Claus can finally return to his evil ways. After dispatching a family of D-list celebrities (Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan) and a solid B-lister in James Caan, he comes to Hell Township to raise some more havoc. Standing in his way are plucky teenagers Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith) and his friend/kinda girlfriend Mary McKenzie (Emilie de Ravin, of Brick fame), who know the truth thanks to Nick's grandfather (Robert Culp) who may or may not have a history with the evil Santa...

Santa's Slay is an example of a straight to DVD movie that actually works. It's clever, filled with one-liners, and is so hokey that you can't help but enjoy it. Bill Goldberg actually does a half-decent job as the evil St. Nick, growling through his lines and dispensing of people left and right in bloody, creative ways. Besides him, the acting is so-so. Ravin is awesome, of course, and Dave Thomas is good in his limited role as a dirty priest. Douglas Smith, however, can get unbearable and is obviously the worst part of the film. He has no chemistry with Ravin's character, and acts his lines out as if he's just reading from the cue cards.

However, when you're watching a movie about a killer Santa, it's completely okay to ignore these minor gripes. Straight to DVD films are not about the acting or story anyway; it's about having a good time. Santa's Slay is an excellent cheesy movie, almost certain to reach cult hit status in the future, if it has not already. So when you're wondering if you should watch A Christmas Story for the 8888888th time, just say no and say YES to Santa's Slay...OR YOU'RE NEXT!


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